Sunday, 13 May 2012

The Mayonnaise Jar & 2 Cups of Coffee


“Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother” Oprah Winfrey

When things in our lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, always remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things, your family your children your health your friends and your favorite passions; and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

If you have read this and it’s not too much of a bother, please pay it forward to your friends & family


Love & Respect to all mothers across the world!

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Friday, 11 May 2012

Why the hell not... Asafa Powell


I thought hard about writing this blog because there is so much to say on the subject. Some of what needs to be said is objective and may sting but logical and some of it is subjective with reasoning. Asafa Powell is a bonafide superstar recognized for his exploits in track and field all around the world, and while some of the criticism leveled at him maybe warranted, he is a national treasure who wears the black, green and gold national colors as a true patriot every time he steps on the track to compete.
As the London Olympics approaches, whether or not Asafa Powell is on that team is entirely up to him and his performance at the Jamaica National Championships, I cannot conceive there are three (3) Jamaican’s who will finish in front of him at the trials, hence I will assume he qualifies for Jamaica's 100 meters men's team. In such a scenario, Powell will enter under the bright lights on the largest stage of them all where history have not been gracious to him, having had two (2) fifth place finishes in the 100 meters (Athens 2004 & Beijing 2008).  
Hardest on him after his heavy Olympic loses were his legion of fans especially his own Jamaican countrymen who at the best of times are extremely temperamental with extraordinarily short memories. If you want to understand the mix bag of supporters this guy carries, just log into facebook or twitter on the days he competes, the pendulum of comments will easily range from a glowing outpour of love and adoration if he wins to venom that borders hate from the very same supporters when he loses. This by the way is not uncommon for other sports superstars in football, basketball, cricket and the like; and therefore should be taken as par for the course.
It strikes me as odd though that after so many years of competing against the best in the world and now owning the all-time record of most sub 10secs 100 meters in history (75), Asafa still show signs of capitulating to pressure when applied by the few sprinters who are gifted enough to be in his class. Let’s face it; Asafa is quite possible the perfect physically gifted sprinter there ever was… Height, build, nimble feet, great start and a super smooth transition to top end speed. Yet when he races the likes of Bolt, Gay and Gatlin the bells go off in his head in the last 30m of the race. I highlight those gentlemen because outside of the two Olympic finals where four persons finished ahead of him (Asafa), none of those persons other than those highlighted has bested him in a 100m since 2005.
What annoys me though is the suggestion by some that Asafa heart isn’t into it and he is only doing it for the money… I don’t think there could be any notion further from the truth than that!!! The substance it takes a human to train as hard as these athletes do and compete on the global stage in full view of millions, isn’t the stuff you do without having heart, passion, substance and a will to be successful. So it seems logical to me that Asafa’s late race quandary is mental and quite possibly may have started with the fear of disappointing his friends, family and well wishers and now matured into an issue of running scared. Either way, it comes down to self-confidence a critical part of the x-factor that can cause well physically prepared individuals to appear normal or even less than ordinary when challenged. Many before me have sighted this notion and might even have suggested to his handlers to seek professional assistance, if it has been done I don’t know, what I do know is the problem still persists.
I will be rooting hard for Powell this summer to defy the odds and be part of what could be Jamaica’s first ever sweep of the men’s 100m medals at any global championship, whether he wins or not is of little importance to me, I would love to see Jamaica stick it hard to the Americans who have dominated the sprints for so long and are struggling with the fact that we are now better and deeper in talent than they ever were.
On the issue of the doing it for the money… all I will say to that is, “why the hell not!!” Superstar athletes have a very finite life span, Asafa is now 29 years of age, facing a throng of younger sprinters both home and abroad and with a rash of injuries over the last few seasons – why the hell not!!. Whether you like him or not, Jamaicans owe him a tremendous debt of gratitude because he energized the resurgence of track and field in Jamaica and restored international respect for a country that was wandering in the wilderness of male sprinting for a inordinately long time, when he produced the first ever world record in the 100 meters by a Jamaican (male or female).
That my friends are more than enough reasons for me to always be a supporter of Asafa’s achievements and by the way, it doesn’t stop me from criticizing him when he loses like today in Doha, Qatar against Justin Gatlin - USA. It may or may not mean anything, but the last time Asafa opened his season with 9.88 was 2005 the same year he broke the world record with 9.77.

A wonder if…. More anon!!!! 

Love & Respect

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Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Courtroom Funnies


The number of lawyers employed by the US Federal government has grown rapidly over the years and appears to be continuing to increase. Between 1954 and 1970, the number of self-employed lawyers in the U.S. increased by 19% while the number of lawyers in the Federal government increased by 108% and the number employed by state government increased by 167%. 
Richard L. Abel

Late yesterday, a friend of mine living in Canada (Twitter: @melbourne2north), sent me this email, I had so much laughter reading it over and over, I felt compelled to share.

The following are quotes from a book called ‘Disorder in the American Courts’ and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Read & enjoy:

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he   doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you for real? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. 
Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________

And the best was saved for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Ignorance of the law excuses no man... from practicing it. 
Adison Mizner


The Book: Disorder in the American Courts is available www.amazon.com 
Love & Respect!
Follow me on twitter: @Maninja2

 
 


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