Recently I came across what was a
Facebook post by a friend Andre Hudson and I thought, this makes so much sense
I had to add my few cents and share with you, so don’t let me down now take a
few minutes and leave your thoughts and comments at the end.
Andre’s FB post read: “Been a
while since I've done one of my rants so bear with me as I get this off my
chest. I've been thinking about relationships. The type of relationships I've
grown up seeing. My parents have been married for over 50 years. My best friends
parents are 45, 32 and 40 years in wedlock. And I'm wondering what's different?
It’s occurred to me that they had it easier. In this technologically advanced
online culture that we are living in. Where conversations are now reduced to
1's and 0's and where actual speech and physical interaction is not the norm.
When a decent conversation is almost non-existent we have become a society of
"likers" and "followers".
My parents didn't have to
validate their life by how many likes they got. They didn't have a hundred
options a click away when their marriage or relationship got too hard.
Our
generation has no clue what working through an issue is. If it gets hard, instead
of working through it we log onto Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and get high off
this false sense of security, admiration and appreciation.
We value our worth based on emoji
filled comments and phone numbers under five week old pictures;
meanwhile, the
person hopelessly in love with you. The real you, the unedited,
unspell-checked, unfiltered you, they become an option in a sea of otherwise
unworthy advocates and suitors.
Again, this is a rant, my opinion. I don't
seek to present a solution. I am only stating what I'm seeing and I am saddened
by what the future holds.”
Well well my friend, I read your
post a couple of times and while I know you claim it as just your ranting your opinions, I
believe your rant as you term it, is real in so many ways and probably would
strike a cord with any readers around us, so I have decided to post it here.
Bottom line is, too many people today aren’t exposed to the significance of
courtship, which ultimately forms the basis of any lasting relationship because
it is then that we learn about the other person and determine whether or not
your likes and dislikes can survive inevitable disagreements and most
importantly develop the trust and respect required for success.
It is really
and truly where you get to know and understand each other, so there is clarity
about each individual’s personal principles and general behavioral
expectations. More importantly though, courtship allow people about to enter a
relationship/marriage to talk, or at least learn a little bit about each other before
it gets complicated with intimacy.
My friend’s other points about
longevity of marriages and the use of social media to fill personality holes is
real but coupled with the lack of courtship and a basic understanding of human
behavior, we begin to uncover issues of low self esteem caused in some
instances from nurture not nature. By that I mean, children live what they
learn and often times what they learn is what they see not necessarily what you
tell them. So in today’s world, reduced in size and complexity by the Internet,
mobile devices, Facebook and Google; it’s definitely easier to reach out and
touch someone, but I will continue to argue that the basic human principles have
not and probably will never change.
Not lost on me while thinking
about this topic is the increased pervasiveness of same gender relationships in
the last 10 years and the notion that they are ‘normal’. I don’t agree and say
so unapologetically as I am entitled to my own thoughts, behavior and opinions.
So here again comes the issue of nurture to which our children act what they
see and train these behaviors into accepted norms later. So if you ask me, a possible
solution to this saddened view of communication, people and relationships is
nurture, courtship and responsibility.
So as my friend so rightly said,
his parents have been married for 50 years and he grew up seeing love and
affection at work and therefore can relate. However, I do not agree or
subscribe to the thought that it must have been easier back then, hell no!
Perhaps from a technology stand point but I believe what was really important
then was:- To ask a lady for a dance (please note I said lady, bump and grind doesn’t count);
- Offer her a glass of wine (because wine not Beer or Guinness sends a different message);
- Ask her out to dinner and/or a movie (be sure to ask her what she likes, don’t assume);
- Open a door ahead of her (simple enough task but men often get caught gazing at her butt and forget);
- Offer her your jacket if she gets cold (Chivalry is alive and well);
- Ask for her opinion and listen while she speaks (shut up and listen, it’s that simple);
- Send her flowers just because you can and not because it’s her birthday (for the cheapskates a single rose is good enough, it's the thought that counts);
- Saying ‘I am sorry’ or ‘I was wrong’ shouldn’t be a burden (Ego have no business in relationships, check it at the door);
- One hour for lunch, use it wisely (the element of surprise will unlock any door);
- Repeatedly and unapologetically tell her I love you (Do it because you do and you mean it, they’ll know the difference).
Now, tell me how hard is that and
why it’s so hard for young men and women to grasp these little virtues that
make or break any relationship/marriage.
Dr. George White snr. Aka ‘My
Pops’ once told me “Your first 30 days of courtship with a woman will define your relationship”.
Keep reading and never stop loving... One Love as always!
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